Nazis sure knew how to smoke.

I've been smoking cigarettes for far too long and I've seen alot of different styles of smoking, but no one smoked with as much flair as Nazis. I don't admire them at all but one must admit that their smoking style fit perfectly with that evil empire thing they had going for awhile. Of course, the Nazi's were generally anti-smoking but I only see the ones in movies, so that's where my conclusions come from.

They would put the cigarette between their pinky finger and...whatever the one next to it is called and move it up to their mouth very slowly, like they didn't need it. If you smoke, I suggest you light one up now, hold it like I described and say this in a high but calm voice: "Helllooo Herr Doctor. We've been expecting you," then with your lips pursed, smile with half your mouth, slowly raise the cigarrette up and take a puff. See? You look like a Nazi!


My friend Jason was a geeky guy who had a funny way of smoking. He'd put it between his fore finger and swearing finger like the average smoker, but he'd splay the rest of his fingers as wide apart as he could. He looked like Spock at a cocktail party (the alien, not the child psychologist).
Here's my impression of Spock at a cocktail party, after he's had a few: "Illogical, shmillogical, who does an alien have to blow to get another Manhatten around this place?!"


Truman Capote demonstrates the artsy way of smoking. You must have your smoking hand touching your head as often as possible for full effect. I've used this method at a wrap party for RENT and it makes you look like a genius. Mind you, I was at a wrap party for RENT.

~~~525 thousand, six hundred minutes. That's how long this play seems to last~~~

(sorry, everytime I refer to RENT, I have to sing that)


If you're a tough guy and you want to look macho, you simply make a fist but stick the knuckle of you fore-finger out as far as possible while holding the cig in there and make quick, definitive movements. Then say, "Fuckin' idiots poured the cement of the driveway, fucked off and now it's all cracked! I paid 900 buck for this? Fuckin retards," (make sure you don't pluralize the word "buck"). And if you can get to one, try this method at a wrap party for RENT.

Don't get me wrong, smoking is bad. Right kids? Right, so don't do it and stay in school too. Oh yeah, eat your vegetables as well and respect your parents. And ahh, ummm... consume, consume, consume.

K, bye 4 now.