6:17am - Awake now. Classic rock has been blaring out my alarm clock for 2 minutes. According to Tom Cochrane, Life is a highway. Why do I feel like I'm hitchiking on said highway with no thumbs? Ohh so groggy and cranky. Coffee will fix mood though. Be positive Mr. Winkie.
6:20am - There's no coffee left. Forced to make tea. I checked to see if there's beer for when I get home tonight. No beer. Only red wine. Tea and red wine? Might as well cave in and wear a dress to work. But it'll be a good day. I can tell.
6:35am - I stubbed my toe on a chair. My eye's are filled with tears and I see streaks of light in my head. As I rub my toe, I notice redness on non stubbed toe. Yay! Athletes foot! I haven't done anything athletic in 12 years. It's okay, a shower will help me feel better.
6:37am - My 12 yr. old son got up early for the first time since he was 7 and had a shower before me. My 1 minute shower didn't do the trick. Cold water sucks. Testicles migrated to throat. They taste like Cheetos soaked in ass.
6:45am - Wife wakes up in foul mood. Claims to have been woken up in middle of night by one of my farts. Says she thought someone was at the door. Apparently, I'm a bastard and her neck is sore. Why can't she be more optimistic like me?
7:00am - Making lunches for 2 kids, myself & wife while wife has shower. It seems she has lots of hot water. Hmmm. Doing a nice, special lunch for them and seeing their happy faces will turn this day around.
7:12am - Wow! My family sure can be mean! 10yr old son hates cheese now. He decided that in his sleep because he didn't mind the lasagna I made last night.
7:25am New lunches made, going out to start the car. Mmm, fresh air always clears the mind!
7:27am - There's 5 steps down from front door of my house to sidewalk. I've been meaning to count them for awhile and figured that now was a good time as my head hit each one of them as I tumbled. At least I saved money by not having to buy a "clicker counter thing." Note to self - pick up "Ice Melt"
7:39am - Driving wife to work. Sitting in silence with the one you love can be nice. Sitting in silence with Ivan The Terrible in drag fucking bites.
7:55am - I have seen an image of the Holy Grail in the morning sky. It's taken the form of a Tim Horton's sign!
8:10am -I sure admire Tim Horton's hiring policy. Stood in line for 5 minutes and for the past 10 minutes, I've been explaining to the "person" what 2 cream and 2 sugars mean. I guess if you don't waltz in saying "double-double" they freak out.
8:25am - Sit down and write worst blog entry ever. Could this day get any worse?
8:45am - My boss walks into my office, closes the door, sweeps everything off my desk and says, "make love to me now!" So I do.
8:46am - My boss walks into my office, closes the door, nudges my shoulder and tells me to wake the fuck up. I immediately become alert and stand up and say sorry.
8:47am - My boss notices my erection, sweeps everything off my desk and says, "Ha ha ha ha! You have an erection!"
K, bye for now.
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