I'm currently accepting applications for a Mistress. I hesitate to treat it like a "job" as that would imply certain shortcomings on my part, but hey, I'm not ashamed of the truth.Name: ________
Age:____
Sex: F __
Favorite phallic vegetable: _________
Dishes need washing and Mr. Winkie insists he'll do them later. You say to him,
"______________________________________________________"
Do you like sleeping? Y __ N__
Do you have a twin? Y __ N __
Check your underwear preferences:
Strictly Comfort __
Pizzazzy__
Makes You Feel Pretty__
Easy access__
Beige is best__
Horny Nazi Girl__
Adult Diaper__
Circle the most appropriate answer:
When showering, you like to:
a) Go it alone
b) conserve water and shower with a partner
c) wash your hands 300 times
d) curl up in the fetal position, cry and wonder why dad never loved you
After a gruelling 20 mins of extremely bizarre (yet mutually respectful) "lovemaking," you turn to your partner and say:
a) "Mmmmm, I love it when you get your freak on!"
b) "Never again, fucktard."
c) "We should try that again but with the widowed neighbor."
d) "You haven't seen my favorite beaded necklace, have you?"
When grocery shopping, your list consists of:
a) the necessities
b) the necessities and cool whip
c) the necessities, cool whip, and KY warming lubricant
d) the necessities, cool whip,KY warming lubricant, and wart remover
Please remember that all applications will be kept strictly confidential and while including a picture is not necessary, it certainly will probably be used for something or other.
Love always,
Mr. Winkie
7 comments:
ooh, I just had to apply:
Name: Stilts
Age:28
Sex: F
Favorite phallic vegetable: a mushy tomato that I can ram my tongue inside of.
Dishes need washing and Mr. Winkie insists he'll do them later. You say to him,
"Get yo ass in there now and bake me a pie bitch!"
Do you like sleeping? Y x N__
Do you have a twin? Y __ N x
Check your underwear preferences:
Strictly Comfort __
Pizzazzy__
Makes You Feel Pretty__
Easy access xxxxxxxxxxx
Beige is best__
Horny Nazi Girl__
Adult Diaper__
Circle the most appropriate answer:
When showering, you like to:
a) Go it alone
b) conserve water and shower with a partner
c) wash your hands 300 times
d) curl up in the fetal position, cry and wonder why dad never loved you
After a gruelling 20 mins of extremely bizarre (yet mutually respectful) "lovemaking," you turn to your partner and say:
a) "Mmmmm, I love it when you get your freak on!"
b) "Never again, fucktard."
c) "We should try that again but with the widowed neighbor."
d) "You haven't seen my favorite beaded necklace, have you?"
e) "You'll only get more AFTER I get a nice piece of jewelry. Sorry."
When grocery shopping, your list consists of:
a) the necessities
b) the necessities and cool whip
c) the necessities, cool whip, and KY warming lubricant
d) the necessities, cool whip,KY warming lubricant, and wart remover
Thank you for your interest Stilts! Please be aware that you'll be contacted shortly after I consult with myself. You see, I have to vigorously go over your application 3 or 4 times to make sure it, ummmm..., you know.
I'll contact you to set up an interview.
Again, I thank you!
omg LOL
i dont need to apply do i mrwinkie ? :) i mean all this paperwork...
No, you don't have to apply... you had me at, "omg LOL." Anyway, it was all just bait to see how you specifically would respond and you responded perfectly!!
Then again, there's always the option of job sharing.
well in any case... might as well..
name: debbie
age: 25
sex: f
favorite phallic vegetable: since it has to be phallic, cucumber.
Dishes need washing and Mr. Winkie insists he'll do them later. You say to him,
"do it now so that we can hump like rabbits sooner"
do you like sleeping? no.
do you have a twin? no.
underwear preferences:
makes you feel pretty
easy access
horny nazi girl
when showering, i like to:
sometimes a) sometimes b).
b) shower with a partner but thats not coz i want to conserve water.
After a gruelling 20 mins of extremely bizarre (yet mutually respectful) "lovemaking," you turn to your partner and say: a) and d). pearl necklace. haha...
When grocery shopping, your list consists of:
c) the necessities, cool whip, and KY warming lubricant
(im sure everyone would pick this)
ive got pics in my photo album *bats eyelashes*
Oh, I've seen those pics! Yessiree!
Would it be innapropriate to use the word "nummy"?
yes. "yummy" would be more appropriate.
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