Amateur Porn

The following is my first attempt at writing pornography. I hate to brag but I think it's pretty good and unlike most porn, mine is geared toward the man and woman.


Half asleep and my eyes still closed, the greyness of semi conciousness give way to the color of pleasant but as yet unknown sensations eminating from my 'cack.' A very brief panic subsides when I realize that I am not wetting the bed but being fondled. I don't open my eyes just yet for fear that if I were dreaming, it'll dissapear quicker than a Mafioso turned informant.
I feel movement beside me and soon the wonderous sensation of warm, moist lips around my "poster tube" make me feel really awesome!
I succeed in putting off blowing my load by opening my eyes and seeing the dog's ass right beside my face. I shoo the dog away five times and then look under the covers to see an exotic, dark skinned babe reefing on my hammer. She looks up at me, bats her eyelashes, smiles and continues doing the nasty on my giblets without saying a word. I moan in happiness.
Then she rises up and tries to kiss me but I stop her and whisper in her ear, "hey, you just had my salami in your mouth, wacko. I ain't kissing you."
Then I do my famous rug munching routine (copyright 1994). Her joy at my obvious joy of performing this joyous act gives her extreme joy and she groans a joyous groan of happiness and joy as I make her eyes turn back in her head. She's so hot now, she breaks out in hives.
We then position ourselves for some doggystyle love and I shoo the dog away again as it tries to lick my bum. Slowly I pound her and she quickly cries, "slower!" It's getting to the point where I'm totally like "Wow" and she's all "Woo!"
She gets up and smacks my ass and says, "It's my turn now, shithead. I'm in charge!"
From out of no where she pulls out a gargantuan turnip and says, "Eat this while I pee on your chest." I do as I'm told even though turnips make me gaseous.
With my face covered in turnip juice and my chest gleaming from her urine-exfoliation treatment, she ties me to the bed, puts the gag ball in my mouth and tells me the 'safety word.' That word is Humbucker.
She takes out the BB gun from the closet and pumps it no less then 50 times. She starts shooting me and tears run down my face as I try to scream the safety word. But with the gag ball in my mouth, "Humbucker" sounds more like "Klughhhhsfasdkf". Thankfully she puts the gun away before she shoots my eyes out. She calls me a "good boy."
She removes the gag ball and commands that I finish my rug munching routine (copyright 1994). I do and she screams in eccstatic eccstacy!
She goes to the shower but not before telling me to finish myself off while she's gone. Which I do. Then I cry in shame.

I love her.


Mr. Winkie