Don't be so hard on yourself, you'll always have me to inspire you.

I'd just like to say that I'm probably the best human being ever invented. Not only do I work hard and I'm good at what I do but I always look like a billion dollars. Especially when I light candles, turn off the flourescent lights and tilt my head slightly up and to the left. I'm not bragging when I say I gotta superhero jawline, it's just a fact.

I've also been blessed with a perfectly sized penis. I won't get into the dimmensions here but holy cow, it's freaking amazing. Not too big, not too small. It looks best when I go to the car, take off my pants and view it's reflection in the side view mirror of my Topaz. My feet are size 12 so yeah, there ya go.

Have you seen my ass? All I got to say about that is, "wowzers." I tell ya, if I'm ever in a plane with a Brazillian soccer team and we crash land in the mountains, those guys will be diggin into it faster than you can say, "Gooooooaaaaaallll!"

I'm very smart too. You can see it in my eyes which are the most gorgeous hazel you've ever seen. I'm not saying this because I think it's true, it's just what countless people have said to me so get over yourself and quit critisizing me.

My poop is perfect in aroma, texture and hew...every time! (I've shelacked a couple finer specimens so just let me know if you wanna see pictures and I'll send them to you). I credit myself for this achievement for it is I who ensures that I eat a well balanced diet every day, rich in roughage and veal.

And at the risk of tooting my own horn, I smell like God. Seriously, I should bottle my sweat because it would really do everyone alot of good and I'd probably make a few bucks too. Goodbye troubles in the middle east, Mr. Winkie's goin bowling!

I remember when a young whipper snapper by the name of Tenzin Gyatso came up to me one day and said, "I'm going to be almost as great as you one day." I ruffled his shaved little head and sent him on his way. Oh, and you may know Tenzin Gyatso by his more common name - His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet.

Love me,

Mr. Winkie